By DoLCY D’ CRUZ goasheartbeat@herald-goa.com
Before the girl even agrees to the proposal of marriage, the family especially the mother is thinking about what will be a part of her trousseau. After consulting family members and relatives, months before the wedding, the work starts on getting the trousseau ready. It mainly consists of everything that the girl uses in her everyday life with the assurance that once she is in her husband’s house, she doesn’t have to depend on them. Right from her jewellery, clothing to the utensils used in the kitchen, everything was provided to the girl. A few months in advance, the bride’s family starts preparing the dennem which was earlier worth thousands and now, lakhs of rupees. Dennem is a gift that the girl’s parents willingly give the girl to begin her married life.
Dr Fatima Da Silva Gracias has an MA in History from the University of Bombay and a PhD in History from the Goa University. She is the author of books like ‘ Kaleidoscope of Women in Goa, 1510- 1961’ and ‘ The Many Faces of Sundorem’ which highlights health, women and social institution issues in colonial Goa.
Elaborating about the tradition of dennem she says, “ Dennem or dote ( dowry) was sent to the house of the groom at least two days before the wedding. The trousseau which varied from class to class consisted of clothes and jewellery. In the early period among the upper classes a fator set was also included in the jewellery. It was a custom to send a small image of baby Jesus in the trousseau. The bride was provided with some furniture. The main piece of furniture was an armario ( wardrobe). Inscribed on the wardrobe, was the name of the bride and the date of the marriage. Lower class brides were also given copper vessels. It was a practice to carry betel and areca nut along with the dowry. Among the lower classes, dowry was given only in kind. The trousseau was displayed in the house of the bride before it was sent to the house of the groom. Crackers were fired on the occasion when the family of the bride sent to the house of the groom.” She further adds, “ On this occasion, the family of the bride sent to the house of the groom an ojem ( basket) with fruits such as bananas, a variety of sweets, mainly bol and doce. The number of ojins ( baskets) sent depended on the economic condition of the bride’s family, custom of the place and demands of the bridegroom’s family. Ojins were sent soon after the engagement, a day before marriage, important festivals and after the first confinement.” A mother who vividly remembers her trousseau and is gearing up for her daughter’s now says, “ My father and my brothers all contributed to my trousseau. My father used to say, ‘ You need to have everything for you so that you don’t have to ask your mother- in- law and get insulted. My family gave me a cupboard, a sewing machine, a kollso , a xeddi, set of 12 utensils for different purposes, a set of six dresses, saris, lingere, shoes, slippers and night garments. They also gave me a set of bedsheets, table cloths, cushion covers, altar cloths, table mats and much more.
Ultimately, it was to satisfy the girl with what her family is giving her, not what the boy is demanding from the family. Dennem has existed since time memorial and in Goa, it is not on a scale where it is a compulsion for the bride’s family. It depends on the social strata. The system of dowry depended on what is the worth of the gifts given to the bride, if the goods are worth Rs 50,000 then Rs 5000 had to be handed to the family of the groom. This, however, is no more in existence or if it is done, it is not on a large scale. Dennem is followed not only by Goans in Goa but also by Goans in other part of the world.” Tradition has variations over generations and that can also be noticed in the tradition of dennem . Unfortunately, the cost of living is high and the poor are the ones who suffer hugely because of the demands for dennem . Dr Fatima says, “ Even though today families don’t demand dowry, some form or the other is accepted by the groom’s family. Now, the trend has changed to offering the bride cars, flats and other electronic items. A girl is entitled to much more.
Goa is the only state which has the right for a girl to have equal share of her father’s property. After the father’s death, half of the property is for the mother whereas the other half has to be shared equally among the children respective of sex.” She laments, “ It is sad for the Hindu families which are poor because the daughter has to be sent ojem for every festival like Ganesh Chaturthi and Diwali.
The sweets have to be sent for the entire family and relatives.
The bride’s family gets ruined with lifelong debts to satisfy the groom’s family.” once a rampant act, now dennem or dote ( dowry) is presented to the groom’s family on the quieter side. herald finds out more about the families’ sentiments attached to giving a bride her dennem The TRousseau whIch vaRIed fRom class To class consIsTed of cloThes and jewelleRy. IT was a cus- Tom To send a small Image of baby jesus In The TRousseau. The bRIde was pRovIded wITh some fuRnITuRe. The maIn pIece of fuRnITuRe was an aRmaRIo ( waRdRobe)